2005-11-08 - 1:51 a.m.

strangest day to date. and these are the reasons i'm so rarely surprised anymore.

i'm walking downtown, i have dozens of errands to do in a matter of hours, most on one block. today there are helicopters. circle circle circling.

i figure, it must be a heist. a robbery. the diamond district.

i turn to the block i need to be and there's commotion, shouting cop cars arriving, helicopters accumulating. ooohh jeeez. i might get shot. there is a robbery. there is chaos. i wanted to keep going, to watch, but there really was that chance.

i left to do other errands, as i really don't have time for robberys and general theft. i came back and had to be ushered into the back alley into my suppliers who was two doors down.

two doors down from two dead bodies.

shot. eight shots. by the guy who owned the store. bullets that could of landed anywhere. but plowed relentlessly into bodies, taking their very last hopped up breath. right there. last words? last thoughts? last sight? the sight of someone you were about to rob.

and these three men.

i left and the air felt different. it felt like winter. heavy. grey.

i wondered if you could feel death. if you could smell it. it was feet away. it whisped past my breath in the same breaze we all gasped at.

i felt depressed. full. pregnant.

i don't have a tv, so i can't monitor any news about it. or even see if it *made* the news. which i doubt. i doubt it did. after all white, wealthy people did not die.

tonight i did a training for new people to make things. my girl did the training. it was sweet. to watch this all. all the belief. it felt odd as usual. "we at...do it this way." i heard. "we." i loved the ownership. the pride. made me smile slyly.

then i met my friend t for a drink. which turned out to be fruitful. or fruity. i had the worst hair day to date. greesy. unkempt. and this of course is the day i run into all gods children in one bar on a monday night.

i first run into one old friend who teams over. mentions my new website. (i forwarded a mass email about it to all i know). then another friend, male, ran into us, saw the site. then yet another!! saw site. likes. then i see that one guy that i had the crush a while ago. the one i threw an entire cocktail party just to be near. and then when i had the opp to talk i stumbled around like a babbler. like a fool. and this guy was there. with some twit. anyway. he wouldn't even make eye contact. hmmm. i would of said something, but i was shy and didn't want to get plowed down in front of others. but t and i met some new guys. i found the one i talked to as quite interesting. but he didn't pull the trigger. here's whats curious. he seemed interested. peeked. but then nothing. maybe a girlfriend? a fear of heights?

so hard not to take personally.

btw, i really do feel like i'm gaining weight. and i feel ridiculous about it. i don't know if it's something others would notice.
omg i need to go to bed.

i have the worst deadlines in man kind what am i doing up. what was i doing out. but it was so luxurious. sooo enjoyable. so home!

:*)