2005-10-13 - 10:08 p.m.

hilarious!! just as you guys throw down props for being a serious worker, i end up in last nights party clothes at starbucks on the way to therapy with a very hurt bum.

if you guessed why, i'd give you a prize.

hehehe.

so fun going to therapy in last nights party clothes.

i went to this store opening and it was very empty, but the buyer wants to look at my stuff. promoting one boutique at a time. then i..

wait wait, ladies, unfortunately i don't know if they will actually use the belt, or if the photo will show it. could you IMAGINE THOUGh?? I KNOW i would looovvee if you super glued that shit on! how kewl to kewl kewl would that be? really seriously, how big of a throw down would i deserve to have if that occured? wow. but i have to hold breath and sit down. wait. but it's fun to read the reactions cuz sometimes i'm so face to pavement that i forget.

then i went to this lounge and ran into busy!! and we had quite a reunion. a reunion that he kidnapped me to his place. he has this new gimpy kitty. the kitty has a bunk foot that lops over the wrong way. he has no feeling in it, so it doesn't hurt, but he just is the cutest thing you could die over. so i stayed up all night coddling the thing while it played a game of obsessive lick on his leg. kept me up all night. after other things had kept me up. see he can only have sex with the promise of distance. i don't know how that man will ever mate and marry. then...again..how will i?
hehe.

marriage is so passe anyway.

i had a great time. i respect him and just enjoy the sheer full bodiedness of it all. his place is magical. hardwood floors and a small pool, skate ramp. gimpy kitty. and in the morning, the light passing through was just mind blowing. and then there's this view of the city. a subtle, beautiful view. a silence. it felt so nice to wake up and kiss someone twice before leaving the house. i had to use his car to go to therapy for sluts r us and just using his car was fun. nice to share. nice to have that comfort. that glimpse at partnership...vla, your rolling your eyes huh? hehe. cuz you know the truth of this idelic partnership blablabla. it's been so long for me, there's a good chance that with the right person i may just really like having "it".

but how much do i like the "it" with me?

so my mom and i made up. and it was really funny. i left a message saying, "okay, i give. i'm ready to play nice."

we were joking about the whole thing adn she said i just didn't have it anymore. no pizzaz. that i used to really rip her a good one, but no longer could get it up with the same girth. i guess i just don't have that level of raw, horse voiced anger. but i did end that fight with typical words of sever profanity to the tune of, "and if you can't love me as a human being, then you can just go fuck yourself." click. we are in a strangely good place with eachother. honest, quick to task. human. loving. appropriate for the most part for the first time ever. it's stunning. partly i think i ignited drama to talk ourselves out of this good. to wreck it for nyc when i see the whole family.

becuz i don't know calm.

i don't know organized.

i don't know things workign out well and happy and light and connected.

this is brand, spankin new territory and i feel absolutely naykiid.

my new assistant continues to kick major ass. it's just so wierd. i can't stand it. every time she leaves i think, she's so good! when will it end? how will this go down? how is it possible to just be a good thing? what a difference from the last. myyyy good. i have such resentment for the last. she just turned out to be such a mean princess that took great advantage. amazing.

i can't stop thinking aboutt the gimpy kitty.

i have so much to do. but instead i've been unwinding and now i'm getting horizontal with anais nin. i've been averaging one page before i fall asleep.

when is the shoe going to tumble from the sky and plummet atop my tenuous head?