2005-08-05 - 11:06 a.m.

hi.

i'm feeling ruined.

okay man. i admit, i think i have too much.

of everything. insecurity, balls in the air, grey area male friendships, alcohol, energy hormone dosage. i now can't particularly sleep.
i'm certain i'm still "hazzy" as we'll call it.

thx vla. i've got to process all that later.

i deleted the entry until further inspection. anyone want, let me know yer email and i'll drop it off for you.

so i'm so tired and yet my brain won't let me sleep and my eyes are burning.

it's all so dramatic that i feel senselessly numb.

here's the game plan. coffee. refraining from talking as much as possible. work. collapse. regroup. maybe cry. try to once again cull up from my research and development department papers confirming that i am not a bad human being, i'm not irreparable and that i don't deserve further punishment.

i'll try to just hoover at cruising altitudes until i can reach that point and am cleared to land.