2005-06-17 - 11:42 p.m.

recipe for disaster vs. simply delicious

i can see my floors again. the mop wtfhn bought me is a miracle of mankind.

tonight, my place is relatively clean. sheets fresh. one muscle relaxer, half a vicadin, two glasses of red. brownies ready to rumble. cept' i almost blew myself up. the pilot light wasn't on, but the stove was. for a very long time. i had to call electro for well thought out (read: someone who isn't combining barbituates, opiates and baccus) advice. i was to air out the place and light the tubing below...he's so prodigeous. i asked him to call me in an hour to make sure i'm still alive.

hehe. nothing like a back up plan.

ya know there has been two nights he's kept me alive so far. maybe i'll marry him on account of that. the night i drove down from sf and was nodding out on the road within the second of five hours. he talked me through nearly the whole last part of the trip. then recently when he couldn't sleep cuz he just got back from japan, he stayed up nearly all night and talked to me, during one of the hardest, longest nights of work of my life. the one where my "night" ended at 11.30 the next morning.

sp-ouch.

i really appreciate his friendship.

hey jumbly, thanks for the promotion. i agree, someone in the room needs to let up on the constant mind fucking, the daily beatings. jezuz.

tomorrow i have a lunch for a friends bday. it should be interesting. it's at an infamous lala place where i could be forced to drop half my rent in a sitting. fuck all. oh but before that i'm mtg with this student who just so happens to want to help with my co. before she goes back to school in a few weeks and she just so happens to know a lot about this specific process i need to sample and i know nothing about it. it's very cool, the synergy and energy. but...i'm feeling a bit lazy about steering the ship. i'm feeling like i just want to hide for a while. i had to shake and shatter myself out of the sobbing mess i was today to take a call from the girl that helps me. how mortifying to feel so shattered in the face of someone that i need to be so together for. i'm afraid she'll loose respect for me.

okay wtf, i barely feel the cocktail blender of the night. what a rip off. and i know i shouldn't take any more, cuz you never know. but commme on man, i want to feel that cloud-like sensation. all i feel is a little slow.

like a simple kid.

:*)