2005-06-07 - 11:53 p.m.

holy spicoli.

i am so nearly burnt. my skin smoking. my girl lizard and the girl that helps me with my biz stayed late tonight helping me work. it's insane. we didn't feel like we got a lot done. the work just takes so much freekin time man. and of course i have so much still to do.

i woke up to what the fucks his name calling me saying he really wanted to see me face to face and if i could have lunch with him today.

hello muther fucker. did you not hear me.. are you *that* self consummed, selfish, self seeking to not notice that i'm under the tightest deadline i've had in my entire career. this is it. my first show, my entire collection, due tomorrow morning. but yes fucking asshole, let me stop my day and take the time to see you, so that your guilt is assuaged and so that you *feel* better.

fucking wad.

then there was a note on my car. something about how he went about it wrong and he should of said he's freeked about committment and how we should of gone slow. skooz me darling, you mean the part about you lying incessantly had nothing to do with this and didn't warrent a phat ass pockled with cellulite appology??

hi?

really.

come on.

he didn't even *see* that that was the one and only part i have contention with. the lying.

my feet are so dirty, i go barefoot too much, the are black at the bottom.

so whatever. i'm glad to be so focused on work. i feel like i will miss the great sex whenever i want, but other than that, when the last of the pheromones shatter to the floor, i will be clean of this whole experience. and i could not have sex with someone i don't respect. i just couldn't get it up for him, now or ever.

but ihope to pocket some of the learning from this adorable little chapter.

k. just wanted to say hi. my eyes are just going to be sick of staying open and roll back into the recesses of my body.

and btw, wtf, a *card*, a CARD?

how bout some possies dick wad. puulezz. cheaters always give flowers, what am i chopped liver?

sheeet man. :*) wink wink to u.

i'm so nervous for friday. i can't stand seeing my creations displayed. i am so embarrassed. i'm confronting my shame. because these are intimately involved with my insides. and it's the insides i've always tried to hide. always feeling like my clothes, my stuff is not enough, an impulse to hide parts, bit and pieces. and now my creations will be nude, right there for opinions to fall upon their ears.

i'm not sure i'm ready for that.

i'm not sure i'd ever be.