2005-03-07 - 12:12 p.m.

i dont' remember if i mentioned, but i have my second interview tomorrow. which means i have to kill it today sketching some idea's to attempt to frisk them up a bit.

i feel so underqualified. and i'm afraid i'd be biting off more than i could chew again. massage is so brainless. which is a great additive to the overactive thinking i do all day otherwise. but again, low on clients, low on green. big on bills, big on loans. so a job of any sort might just be charming at this point. and what a plus that its in my industry. i need to go for it. i'm jsut afraid to be eaten alive. afraid that i'll have to spend countless hours catching up on my skills to be able to perform for them. afraid that i won't be able to come up with idea's or make deadlines. the deadlines sound pretty insane. pretty sickening.

my mom is driving me crazy about scheduling the surgery.

i am making the new samples and am heart aching over having the big account buy them as well. that would just be so affirming. stabilizing. deep breaths.

i should also find out today about the showroom rental for the ever evasive trade show. i'm clinging onto the knowing of it. i really want to be able to rock it. really, really, really.

do you tire of hearing about work?

i couldddd tell you about the aussie.

24. met, he called hours later (lives across the street) and wants to stop by. just a kid. an actor becoming a regular on a show that is popular in my estimation. popular maybe among younger people. i brought him to movie night and then we had a makeout session. sort pg, thank god. and then i went right back to some light work.

that guy i had met at the bookstore thing never called. i don't so much care, except out of irritation that he made such an effort to close the deal and then not call. WHY BOTHER GETTING MY NUMBER?
chump.

i'm still crushed on mta. i have so much fun with him. drunken forgetful embracing moments. i get to lievitate with a partner in crime.

the truth is, i'm very nervous about this interview. not only am i questionably qualified, i'm the whitest person that will ever walk through reception. it's all minority owned and run and i'm baldly chalky.

is it appropriate to just *slip in* that i flew to liberty city miami, met with the local naacp rep and rocked the vote and protected the people in that district? :*) or that in my lill' hodgepodge family we have some jewish kids, af-am, am-indian and then me...vanilla sunshine (mostly be adoption and marriage). totally inappropriate i know. let's just hope i'm not judged based on the outsides.