2005-01-15 - 12:11 p.m.

** warning **
the entry you are about to read is froth with crabby 'tud and boiling frustration. buyer beware.

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i'm so irritated. i have to unload cuz it's just boiling and spinning within. here's the short list:

*lizard and i haven't worked it out. i couldn't call her until today and i haven't reached her. i have no idea what space she is in.

* i just went to go buy something and the sales man was so incredibly mean, condesending and abrasive i ended up walking out. then i called to complain and got transfered to that same asshole. i don't know how they make any sales when they treat people like that. some clobbering and abrasive and rude. and i'm irritated cuz i was ready to buy today, but i refuse to pay money to be treated like that. unbelieveable.

* shorty called and i don't want to deal with her and why is it that women who like women always call eachother "girly". i don't like it and now i have to call her back. i'm so very sick of getting myself tangled up. it takes a lot of time out of work to undo myself.

* i have too much cleaning to do today and in my spare time i get to pay bills. *JOY*.

* a friend is in from nyc and i feel a tad bit of pressure to show him the sterling scene.

* i am scared to step up to these opportunities with my work. i feel like i don't have anyone to talk me through it.

* i'm not feeling like i have anyone to call who can talk me off this sharp ledge of irritation.

* oh and i raised my client prices and one of my core friend/client sent me an email saying she doesn't like the rise and will look for someone else now. it was incredibly curt and i now have to do damage control with that. i feel like i'm causing trouble to inch my way out of massage, yet i also don't have much of a plan otherwise.

* alright now here's the worst of it. my pap came back abnormal and they have to do colposcopy. something is wrong with my cervix. she puts vinegar in my cervix. she's going to borrow some of my cells, she going in deeper in. could be just an inflammed cervex, hpv (which it doesn't seem to be this), or pre- cancerous cells. cervical cancer. and i'm freeked cuz maybe it's linked to my thyroid thing too. i just now found out. and i don't know who to call. i'm very uncomfortable right now. i odn't know how to ask people to be here.

alright. well then. i guess i'm just going to have to dust myself off and proceed with this life that i know.

this delicate, temperal life.