2005-01-05 - 7:47 p.m.

i feel like there's one elongated, cruel joke of horrid luck being played on me.

unless you consider talking through bullet proof iron bars to a toothless black man who is screaming at you and demanding a check card for 500 dollars good luck.

i fly into l.a. on, let's say, a "treasure hunt" to discover my trail of belongings i left like hansel and grettel before i left for my trip.

i had lost my cell phone.. a second time that week. i had to fed ex my car keys to my friend to move it so it *wouldn't* be towed. i went to another friends garage where she was supposed to drop it and it wasn't there. it was disposed of in the garage across the street. imagine coming home to some foreign car left in your garage with no note. golden. they towed it.

it cost me pretty.

did i mention i have no money this bush bled season? yeah.
i'm having to make magic happen with transfers and some borrowing.

the mystery garage person left me a note, "you shouldn't leave your car in strange places". haha. okay, i am laughing out loud right now. but come on now. the luck i'm having. whats more is, it was my fault for leaving it in a place where it'd have to be moved. and why? cuz i drank the night before i'm sure. and we were late to the airport and i just wasn't on top of it.

currently i'm eating some navratan korma, in a tv dinner style indian boil a bag, heat and eat. nice. white trash with pizazz.

i'm exhausted beyond repair and i have the day from all hell tomorrow, three clients at least, therapy in which new asshole will be torn for my very bad behavior, pick up new phone, borrow money, etc. etc. no more surfing in bath warm water off the coast of a stunning jungle with my brother en tow.

there's so much i want to tell you about the trip.

it ended phenominally.

epiphanically.

yes i did twist that last word up.

my dad and i had a pure heart to heart on the plane ride and it was the most intense to date. life changing. now i have a grave understanding that this trip had nothing to do with costa rica. this had all to do with lessons and relations.

we got home to 12 degree weather and a white out blizzard which was beautiful. save for our beach clothes and bad planning. then i flew home home today to the real shit storm that is apperently my life.

that guy i'd been dating, don j., picked me up at the airport and i was down right bland. he was so excited and wrapped up. i couldn't meet his level. here i had these rich and trying experiences that i know he can't stomache. he doesn't have the depth to possibly understand. and i felt distanced by having been with someone else. not to mention that with the space i have had the total clarity that he isn't right. but just enjoyable. which i intellectually knew, but was willing to place on a shelf and collect dust.

as i was landing i felt the connectivity of all that had gone on during my trip and i felt the inner desire to be with someone entirely ready and excited to open this baby up and see whats there. i don't yet know if enthusiasts like this exist in my city, but i'm willing to be the first. i really do want this. whenever i have enough space from my fluffy routine, i feel grounding particulars.

i still have to go to the gyno to get my testing results and i have to go to the specialist to see whats up with the thyroid this week.

here's the comedy, when i thought of someone to call to move my car, i thought let me call my most responsible friend. and this is what i get.