2004-12-02 - 11:27 p.m.

5pm drove east on the ten. 5.15pm exited the ten, gave up within one exit because of the traffic.

7.30 after many attempts at not answering the phone, lizard made it thro and got me talking.

7.34. crying.

8.00. back to some semblance of normal after she broke down what a crap childhood i had and how i had to take care of everything and how i don't currently know how to care for myself because that was not ever allowed in my "upbringing." if i care for my self i was quickly deemed spoiled or a bitch.

8.02pm took a nap.

9.30pm washed the dishes for two hours.

yes they were that bad. the smell was award winning.

just letting you in on my terribly normal day.

when things are calm i really don't know how to deal. i feel like a solidier in a barracade, always ready to drop. not sure how to relax. not sure i'm allowed to.

i have to call that guy, hell, i'm gonna call all of them and tell them all bets are off.

i feel like i'm headed for some borring moments as i've soften my social spin, i've been calmer, less full of drama. okay it's only been a few days, but this is progress. and it sure does feel drafty.

:*) how are you today?
did you miss me?
i'm dying to know what you picture me as...tall, short, brown, black, blonde? sleek, simple??