2004-09-15 - 12:02 a.m.

wow my girls x proposed to her today to get her back. (lizards x). what a twoit. he had his chance and it's long gone and now she's with someone fucking spectacular.

and i am only with 21 year olds!!

tonight i went for a meal with the most adorable young fella. he's simply delicious and i don't know if i can pull it off. but i'd like him to be my young lover. haheha. he's so cute and straight on. he was the one to pull the trigger, wanting to get together tonight and then saying let's get together this weekend. i'm not sure if he wants to go there or just wants a friendshiip. it always baffles me when these young ones come sniffing around. i'm thinking the whole time, r u kidding me, you could go score some firm lill bun, what are you doing trying to get in with me? maybe they are attracted to the confidence and surity. who knows. i'll let you know if anything transpires. but to be honest with you, i'd like to have it like this:

work is priority and nothing and no one comes before it.

then i date guys also.

and i have a secret young lover who satisfies needs so that i can refocus on work and not on the guy i really want to date.

and that guy is that new one who did call and ended up going to this art opening i went to. he brought his dad who was in town. so i've met his whole family now.

odd.

it was awkward that night becuz i got intimidated by this stunning girl he knew there. he picked up on my reserve and even mentioned something. which flattered me that he is so sensitive to notice something so minute within me. i really like this guy.

then i again, i really liked the last ten guys...for the first week.

so i'm not holding my breath. hence the 21 yr old.

but i do like the new one. we really connected. but he hasn't pulled the trigger and asked me out for a particular night. he wanted sunday or early this week, but i was busy sunday and he hasn't followed up since. crush i hate that kind of pussy move. step up or get off.

at least the 21 has been promptly asking for my time each chance he gets. how sweet. how very corruptable. i can't wait. i'm seriously looking forward to that. yes it really is the control. it's the full sensation of getting to be in charge. but then also falling lost in some instants. he has sweet eyes and hair and is tall and kind hearted and creative and social without any posturing. i do wonder if he's big. i literally can't wait to find out. am i horrible? what a trip.

today i cracked my ass to finish a deadline for the business. i literally ran out the door without shoes to make the fed ex time. it was a real crunch and now i feel like i have no idea if i did a good job, it was very creative, but such a rush in the end.

i got into another store. it's a pretty keen one. not a big order, but key placement.

we had a big shoot in chinatown, did i already discuss?

then went to a party and had an accidental occurance with a male friend.

all in all, a very full week.

i can't stop imagining what that boy will look like when that sweet, soft boy hair is sweaty and his eyes dreamy and his body bare. i can't wait to break in this new mattress. do stay tuned, i suspect something interesting to go down by this weekend or i am not the ineb. :*)