2004-06-21 - 9:16 p.m.

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well hell, not much to report. Lizard, our boy tote and I went shopping at our favorite vintages on Sunday. I got two sick mini skirts among other items. I�m still in this strange deadline moment that is suspended like an movie on perma-pause. This is the first time I�ve felt okay with it. Or not completely taken by the pressure of the time limits. It�s just difficult because my rep checked out the last go round and didn�t like it. And it�s because I was so weighted down by the deadline and the consequences to make anything really fluid. It was less than par and I�m glad that she won�t let it slide, but it was very disappointing to get the notes last night. I basically stayed at lizards with boy tote watching a movie and snuggling with the kitten I saved. �before the movie tote and I bought me a bunny!! It�s funny in LA. In a block there�s a sex store, a thai to go, and a men�s �roman spa.� Luscious. we picked up a new toy for me at the sex store. no comment. Tote is lizards roommate, we are all friends, he�s this young guy, really funny and irreverent. Wouldn�t for a second go there even tho he qualifies in the underage category of like.

It has actually felt nice getting back into my life, my clients and such. It�s made me normal again. That suspension for the deadline was unreal. And uneasy. I like my life here. I like that I always have a full social calendar. It keeps me amused and slightly high. Tomorrow night I�ve got a big art preview show and some LA Film fest drinks thing. Ya know, 21 hasn�t called. *what*a*crush*.

I just don�t care about men. It�s been so solely about work and that is right for me. hence the bunny love.

it's wild becuz i had so much steam for my business and i have to say, since i've had to focus on the other deadline work, i've dropped that ball like a dead body. i hate that. that's the part about the wild risks of starting your own, the minute you don't give it love, it drys up. when i was on someone else's bill i could lounge for days, check out and play video games.

is it odd that i'm so enamored with women and yet i have no interest in being with them and i'm utterly boy crazy to boot? i think i enjoy the high of it, the naughtiness of the abnormality.