2004-06-18 - 3:26 p.m.

dl.

6.16

I�m so tired.

I want to quit my day job at the non profit. With the business I�m starting it just conflicts. I�m conflicted over it too. Either I do more massage clients in a week to make up for the greenery or I keep the job. Here�s the thing, I�ve got the project, whose dollar amount still hasn�t been decided and when it is, it won�t pay out for a few months. GOD DAMN IT, RIGHT WHEN I WANT TO TAKE A nap the holy terror leaf blower sounding like a chain saw is right below my fucking window. Lizard and the 21 year old and I went out last night. And I swear the place was sapping over with young, incredibly stylish and disengaged girls.

I told the 21 year old that I plan on growing up at 29, but this year it is all good times. he is the most delish thing I�ve ever become intrigued by. At the bar, we had that touchy moment where the suspense has officially built and we are cheek to cheek when we talk and there�s extra hand touching stuff. Adorable. Afterwards we got a bite at a classic spot and while lizard put her head on the table almost sleeping, he and I talked about our favorite books. He�s so well read, it blows me away. It�s so sexy. When he left we were talking about showing him my new belts, because I was investigating his adorable white one and wondering about the beauty that must be behind it. Hahhaa. Heheheehe. And I think he was wondering if I�d invite him over to do a little �show and tell.� But I hadn�t shaved and my place is a mess. So I�ll savor it for later. It just gives me an instantaneous smile. But I�m crushed because he leaves for summer school in two weeks!! Then he�ll be back in school in the fall. Maybe I shouldn�t even go there. But you know I will. I have to know what it�s like to make out with him. and I have to go to the bookstore with him and to just play with him. he�s one of the cutest humans on earth and I take great joy in simply staring at him with an inner giggle. And he�s great about looking right into my eyes. He�s younger than my interns and I know that that is wrong. But but but. I don�t care. He�s too damn cute.

I have so much to do today, but I need to nap, I feel like I�m useless otherwise.

My day job hates me. I either have to give a lot more to it, or I have to quit. Becuz right now the slacking on it is causing all of us an immense amount of stress. I am just afraid I�ll quit and then regret it. What�s funny is that I�ve never regretted any man, job or diet I�ve ever left.