2004-05-27 - 10:02 p.m.

jack jack jack.

i rescued a kitten two days away from death and named him jack.

i was shooting additional shots a second night (obsession) and we heard this terror cry. it took an hour. my pal had given up, but i couldn't. it' nagged. i thought, do you want to do good for the world or not? so midnight, exhausted, workoverloaded, i'm giving the second flea bath to a little, fit in your hand shaking mess. the first natropath peppermint bath i gave, merely scratched the surface on the soot, oil and dirt covering him head to paw, ebrasing over his infected eyes. it also only exposed the thousands of flea's covering the sucker. another washing and some flea treatment and the sucker still has em dropping off of him all night. i've never seen something so delicate, wet, curled up after the wash, in my towel by the heater, curled up as if dead, shaking, completely receeded from life.

now he's fluffy as sin, talking at the moment and chasing my cat around. he's *full* of energy. he sleeps on my head and insists on keeping me up all night. so i'm giving him to a friend who hopefully will adopt. now he's catapulting himmself into a box and playing spy-cat.

fuckin cute.

i book two mtgs for one project and two for the other. so i'm feeling a bit more settled and we still have six reviews, of which i only really need one of them to book. i really want one to book book book. it's so wildly anxiety enducing and adreniline kicking to have your own thing like this. the stakes are fierce.

i still have been evading the whole dood thing. can you believe it!!! and i'm getting tailed by one. and one in ny is already sniffing around the bend.

all of the sudden i panic that one of the stuff for my project isn't good. that it's just two inches off from fabulous. panic. man. i just need a few days before i go to catch up on sleep and get fresh. get centered. i'm speaking at some career day in compton when i get back. just trying to inflitrate more karma.

ya know i've been spending an unusual amount of time in compton. and other neighborhoods that are assumeably the most dangerous in town. and it occurs to me how vast this 'LA" is. how many white people on the westside, in malibu etc. have NEVER in 20 years been to the depths of compton. never seen what their schools look like. and then i'm told that some compton kids have never seen the fuckin ocean. never seen it. 7ish miles away? crazy.

so check it out. i'm going do some pussy drop off (the kitten silly!) and get some zzz's. i might take some valerian root to help me curb the angst and get some fuckin shut eye. the very very few hours i have to sleep have been cut into by my tacky white neighbor who blasts extrodinarily tacky ass stuck in a wrong era music, the kitten entertaining himself on my face and the rasta neighbor hitting it all through out the night. at least his current doesn't scream like a baby the whole time. blessed are the little miracles in life.

i'm glad to be alive. i'm glad to be walking through what i'm walking through. i'm glad i haven't backed down. each day, i'm breaking new records for myself.