2004-04-23 - 7:58 p.m.

something is going to break.

i have a feeling it is going to be me.

this past week..

friday partied all night and sorta into the next.

saturday worked in the day, had a picnic with the 23 year old, went out again on 2 hours of sleep.

sunday caught strep throat and still worked a bit.

monday picked up my cousin, had another friend over, took med's for strep.

by the next night, we're going out to a white kimono party with lechee martini's and to a nike party that was keen.

that same evening i pulled another all nighter to finish my samples for a mtg the next day with a japanese buyer. it went well.

wednesday night, dropped off pieces for a shoot. thursday out with a friend for dinner. considered for the first time ever wanting to sleep with him. i think i have an issue.

today is friday. i've worked all day. and am about to collapse, but 'the party' is happening tonight so i need to show. it's 'worker's' friends party along with a very famous older male. very. i'll believe it when i see it. and what to wear? i always feel like wearing my white trash alaska t-shirt. it's like comfort food. but i think the evening asks for something more seductive and sophisticated. baahumm. i'm nervous about feeling comfortable in a room full of people that i will already assume have better careers/lives/bodies etc. and if i'll feel out of it. out of my skin. mostly i'm okay anywhere and even flirtatious. but every now and then a party throws me off. i just need to own it. i need to own me and stay with me.

tomorrow i pick up my cousin again, she was visiting ojai/sister. she's from seattle and we have an incredible time together. tomorrow night we go out all night and sunday i work first thing for earthday.

but fuckin monday, i really need to put an amoritorium on this entire life i'm living and zen it out a bit. slow it the fuck down.