2004-03-17 - 12:13 a.m.

i think i have mercury poisening. and i can't even spell it right.

at about 3pm i was at a mtg for work and i thought if i stood up i'd surely black out and urddel all over the place. i made it through drank water and then worked on two clients. by the time i was home i made it to the bed in so much pain that all i could do was cry. two asprins later and sobbing was all it took. i think i actually needed a good cry.

i think it was tightly bottled up and i didn't even know it. i think i've been bottling everything up. all of it. the stress the expectations the suddle social anxiety. bottled. shelved.

lizard and her dood came over to care for me a bit. he's a trip. not sure his angle. there's more on that. but i'm too exhausted. and it makes me sad cuz i wanted to get work done tonight. and now i've lost the night to their awkwardness and my snowballing illness.

i have a new date on friday night. anxiety. whatever. i'm over myself completely.

except for the fact that i've got more of the turk. we went out and finally piddled. more later. too stupid now..must get horizontal with literature and float far far away. maybe with some melted cheese indeed.