2004-01-19 - 11:53 p.m.

so it got worse. i woke up the other day following with a flu bug and my dad and i are in a vicious spin on this auto ordeal. we are two bulls with our horns locked. and i'm not and haven't and won't ever ask him for help, so i don't see why he's jive talking me so fuckin hard.

as if it's not so cruel all by its lonesome he's gotta add his salt.

fucking cunt.

tonight is the first bit of fun i've had since this spin. lizard took me to dinner. last night she even dropped off some hijacked med's for my flu. listen, she seriously is the friend i've dreampt of since i was a little girl. i hope i have her for life. she is so kind and has taught me so much and we've gotten so close. scary close really. it's amazing. and we just keep on staying. it is fucking touching. if anything comes of this, it's that. and its the ability to see the slicing division among friends and family that is there for me and those who just can't. it's divisive and errosive.

but i am feeling better. and i'm narrowing my car search. i walk to the fucking bank tomorrow and offer blow jobs for bank loans. fair trade, no?

then we shall just see how this mad affair rolls out yo. but i'm feeling a bit back up. a bit like, okay, i lost my breath from that rapid series of punches to my gut, but fuck. let's go broad. let's take this bitch and dance.

if you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well tango-yo.

by the way, how you?

wish my money luck for tomorrow.