2004-01-09 - 8:29 p.m.

crushed. the very vibrating feather within me, crushed to smitherinees.

the german came today, and i thought, what if i'm no longer attracted to him, or it was only a vacation attraction? he opens the door and BAMB. he is fuckin hot. smockin. and all i'm thinking is when i get to get horizontal with him.

he now has a girl friend.

why?

why has fortuna taken this downward spiral?

we shopped together today. i'm going to show him around my lill town. i've never been with someone who has a girlfriend for many reasons. i'm jsut not that person. and i'm too selfish to be someones second mate. and i love women too much to shank them like that. which leaves me in a very disappointing situation with this one, cuz he's amazing enough to swamp those previously wholesome policies. i'll let you know, it may never even develop if he's worth his salt.

tonight i'm going to an art thing. i have a feeling it's only going to be lukewarm. then i want to stay home and get manic and do my projects.

m.a.n.i.c. and smoke cigarettes and drink chocolate milk and draw and stencil and blast the players club by eazy e.

:*) oh and that hot guy from the previouis evening hasn't called either. ca-ruush.