2004-01-08 - 2:22 a.m.

god damn. dog damn.

i had a wiley good time tonight. more proof that i am just undeniably not ready to grow up.

last minute p and i motivated to go to my favorite spot in hollywood and slice it up a bit. the place was in command.

we walked in and i was bowled over by the oodles of adorables. i could barely contain. and the magic was working tonight. we met two of the most phenominally goregous guys i've ever seen.

i hope you will be hearing about him again, cuz i'd like to committ some episodes with him. even tho, he's clearly for now and not forever, he'd be really fun to play with. goregous. jsut adorable, from alaska, hip, sexy, sweet. i'll think of a name for him later.

so nyc get's home i think this week. i'm apprehensive. i think he's going to come back all distant and different. like he's got a new set of cards in his deck and realizations that he's got to buy himself some serious distance from me. i miss him and have enjoyed the space. and i get too wrapped up in him and he cock'a blocks. i saw one of his guys tonight. he's fun to see out. all energy. fuck i'm spun on this guy tonight. cheesey moment: i sure hope he calls. my mind is tenderizing on thoughts of him. just tossing around and being silly and such.

i'm already over the guy from last night. incredibly sweet, phenominally creative, possibly gay. almost every man that becomes intrested in me has latent degree's of gayness in them. and i won't use that metrosexual word, but they have loads of that too.

oooo by the way, i had some severe lunacy today. oopps! my neighbor kept me up till 6am when i had to work at 9am and today i flanked him hard. lots of fuck words and such. i think i was a little hard. and i shouldn't be cuz he does deal and i've seen a gun in his place a while ago. ouch. he deals soft stuff so i'm not so concerned about crack breakdowns, but it's always good to be on the nice with the neighbors. but i do like them to think i have a lunatic edge so that they keep their fuckin distance. i don't like being all chatty with these cats. they are. missing some pieces, so to say.

i need to appologize, cuz it went down like, 'if i'm saying to shut the fuck up at 6am fucking do it. i don't give a fuck what you were doing... and i work for my rent and' on and on and a few more f bombs to be sure. is that bad? would you of done it?

i finished with that whole raw food crap today. i went out on a cookie!! yar. i think i might of dropped some chubby kid fat from it, which is tender. i want to feel thin. i want to feel young. i want to still play and not feel that squeeze to 'settle' down, partner up and sit on the couch forever. wow. i dont' want to be kicked out of this stage. i don't want to join the yuppies.

hugging this guy tonight, i felt all warm inside. like a fuzzy navel is supposed to feel.

i'm so spent for some sleep. i'm in desperate need of additional hours. i've got a client first thing tomorrow, of course first thing for me is 11am. hehe. but then i have loads of the new work crap and a long and extremely borring mtg with them tomorrow night. then i want to go out again. i just have the bug and i need to bite. i still have yet to have that delicious makeout session i've been craving. it's cuz all the guys i've met i've sensed that if we kissed they'd assume we were boyf/girlf. but now i've met a proper swinger tonight who doesn't want anything and so it feels just right. it's that whole 'not ready thing'?

i think if i ever meet someone, i'll have to get knocked out like in the archaic days with a club and drug off by my hair. that's the only way to go.