2003-12-20 - 2:22 p.m.

i'm having extreme seperation anxiety. otherwise known as overly sensitive heart that hurts when anyone leaves.

i've felt it so strongly about nyc, and i think he called on my cell. i had a mysterious international call, but no vm.

i'm even having sadness over clients leaving for two weeks or a month. and i've decided to give up one of my cats. claudel. named after camille claudel. the suicidal french sculptor.

we moved into this apartment together years ago. our first. two scared lill cats together and alone for the first time. when i went away to rehab she stayed at my bad uncles who have two evil kids that are the most spoiled tarts that tortured her. and their dog finished off her last nerve.

then i went and got another cat so she wouldn't be lonely. she hated the extra cat, then i started fostering eddie. so that makes three. and it pushed her over the edge. all she does is fight with them and it makes sense to find her a place to run the roost. a home where she's boss. so i'll fly her home to my dad's next week. so she can be in a larger space and outside. and i'm so happy about it i've been wanting peace in this place for years. but i'm tore up. she was my first. i am having seperation troubles.