2003-12-12 - 6:02 p.m.

blow me fucking hard.

i'm doing traffic school online and it fuckin sucks. i haven't even had time to eat today and i went to bed at 3 am again.

worked.

taught little suckers about the ocean today. that was fun i made them all scream, get your butt's off the beach! the cig buts u silly.

tonight i have on the plate a hat party and an art party. tomorrow a really fun political satire party and art openings. my only question, which i should wear my new outfit to!

so i talked to the step brother today and HE TOTALLY DIDN'T GET IT. he was all, thanks so much for talking to me bla bla. no bro, you missed the point. anyway. he'll be out here next week and i want to shove down his throat what a cool city this is cuz he's always cutting. cutting everything. and from here on out i pledge to u that he's getting NOTHING BY ME. the last couple of slide shiyte comments got by me on the shock factor alone, but no more. i'm on alert. but someone pointed out that he triggers something i already am insecure within myself about. that if i'm secure, then what he says won't rattle, i'

ll just think he's an idiot. but i will still say something back. i'm way too stubborn to just be so peaceful.

i'm still craving to flirt and kiss a cute woman. i still havent' seen nyc. and he leaves for the month on sunday. i wonder if i'll miss him. i'm glad not to see him right now. but i want to see him out tonight or tomorrow night. i miss him. he always calls me and says, grl i have to see you, i miss you it's been two days. two whole days. and then i wonder what he smokes, cuz how does he think this is just some normal friendship. he talks like we are dating. and if he jones after only a few days, how will he last for a month or two?

and i don't think it's just the sex, cuz i rarely go there and i'm sure i'm not that good in bed with him cuz i'm quite lazy. it's only when i'm head over heals that i attempt to try or if i'm physically flipped over someone, which has only happened once. and that one time, that guy was amazzing. best sex ever. ever ever ever. wow. i'd like to see him again. he has the cutest pushed up mohawk. yarr!

i can't believe i haven't eaten today. now i want pizza oozing with sauce and i need a nappy-roo.

now i'm asking myself how i'll be able to stand going out tonight. but i'm the avenger. ninja. jedi's don't just survive, they thrive.