2003-12-10 - 12:05 a.m.

i'm pooped.

so "40" and the guy w/ a plane, did i name him yet. did i tell you about him? we'll call him M, i have a sensation that M and 40 are thinking i'm their grlie grl. 40 dropped the s-bomb on our conversation tonight...'sweetie'. both are a bit affectionate. but i had earlier expected that M was in it for consistent sex with someone he can look in the face to. but he called several times when he was out of town. who knows. i haven't been physical with either of them. i've just 'allowed' them to entertain me.

i went surfing this morning with peanut and got killed. i literally got chomped by huge, ice cold waves chilling my blood with surges of fear. i only stayed in for 20 minutes upon which i acted like a beginner dope. i almost felt like retiring completely. here i get an ocean activist job and now i want to quit surfing. and you all who've read me long enough know the joys i've wet over surfing.

i am feeling extrodinarily fat. 'overly-plump'. which only inpires me to eat more, oddly enough. and the ONLY reason keeping me from going on an all out brownie binge is the picketors protesting the supermarkets, cuz i only want a certain brand at those spots and i don't want to cross the picket line or drive to a further spot. laziness: 1

sugar binge: 0.

during my masterbation session tonight, i was beginning to think i want to be with a woman.

again.

it's been YEARS.

but i'm so picky. i want someone good looking, but she can't be some airhead twoit that thinks she being wildn' crazy by kissin a girl. how passe. i just want the touch. the control. the surge. the inspiration. the secret.

i feel like i never get anything done that i need to. it's an endless stream of lists of things that i need to do. i feel like my life is spent chinking off the tip of the pile.

i called crazy jeff cuz he quit his job. there's just something attractive about him. probably his lunacy. i'm apparently attracted to my own.

nyc called me to go out and now isn'

t picking up his phone. what a joke. lights out, even tho i'm craving MAD amounts of sugar, i'm going to just turn in and press the start button again in the morning.

cheers, ineb.

listen if you live near the beach or not near the beach, can you do me the favor of getting your butt into the trash? cigarrettes flow directly into the water upon the first available rain and me and the dolphins are fuckin pissed yo.

that was my version of a PSA.