2003-12-08 - 6:33 p.m.

my emotions are as eruptive as a volcano and as changing as the colorado weather.

i'm all over the place. i do believe i tortured nyc and lizard yesterday. i was so cranky and my perceptiion was illegible. granted nyc is a fuckin intohlerable manipulator, but i certainly tortured him.

and tonight i miss him. can you believe it? after readiing me yesterday? i actually want nothing but to go to swingers, get a malt and stay over with him.

i went for a walk on the beach and was in tears at how happy i am, then as the sun has fallen i'm feeling sad and lonely. what the fuck's wrong with my emotiions. it's as if i'm like my mom and completely unstablized.

last night lizard and i went to this spaz 80's night and it was incredible. we danced until it closed. it was so much fun. lots of cute bboys and girls. lots of energy and jolting and jumping and gyrating.

my step brother is coming for some work for a week and i need to chat with him cuz he has been condesending with me and i won't stand for it. he's at an ivy league getting a second masters on a trust fund. and i guess he thinks that gives him a right to look down his nose at me and at my city. he's a pretentious prick and i have serious fucking ill with him and it's time i let him know. i just need to wait a day or two until this crazy ineb calms down a bit. and when he comes out here i want to show off my town to make him eat his words. and that gives me too much pressure to impress him and go to hot spots. fuck him. why do i care so much what he thinks?

i really want a malted milkshake. i'm really craving specific forms of sugary intake.

i miss nyc. i wonder how it'll be when he's gone. he's my main social hook up, he knows of everything going on in town.