2003-10-17 - 6:45 p.m.

and in the end all we have is kindness.

overwhelmed with the piles of garbage that is our world, heaping pounds of ruin and stinking banana peels upon your back? wondering how the hell to combat the fierce evil forces in the world?

world peaches?

peaches and cream?

pieces of peaches?

a world in pieces.

pieces of the world fallen apart

putting together from the moment you are here.

are you here with me?

right now?

are you awake?

start now. here. in you.

piece together peace.

if you don't appreciate my shakey free verse, you'll at least appreciate my attire. chonie moronies (white cha cha's), a t-shirt and my new fucking life affirming leg warmers from seattle none the muther fuckin less!

well friends and strangers. i got a new dream camera and i can't wait to serious tear some shit up with it. i want to go downtown tonight w/ guy pal, skateboard and shoot some ridiculousness. i may too tired as i was kept out too late last night. you know your slow to the go when you start your first morning cup at 3pm. we were out for no good reason till 4am.

luke and i haven't talked since a last talk of the talk talk talk talks. we did get to some serious, delicious truth last time. he needs time. he's angry with me judging him. do you blame him? i'm a fuckin lunatic. admitedly!

i love him and i know without a shadow that we need to only be friends. i'm prepared to love and support him so fully in that form. for life. i see him as a solid friend for long, luscious lessons. i'm just giving him time to breath. poor guy. i love loving my guy friends. i can offer so much more. i just really am much more comfortable single. it will take one hell of a human being to get me to co=habitate with them till we grow old and mold.

i can't wait to love luke in this new form of friendship. he expressed his desire for this as well cuz he loves hangingg with me, and our conversation is stellar.

i waited for two hours to have micheal moore sign his new book i bought. he's a fucking force, he's a national treasure. he's a truth seaker and speaker. and i want to start a crew to support him and be his madcap anarchist volunteers. buy his new book "dood, where's my countrY", it's all about bushes abundant lies, with startleing facts and references. it's mind blowing. i'm moving to canada or to brazil if bush steals another four. i'm OUT.

i saw imax ocean films, two days in a row.i create too much free time for myself!! i geeked out at the science museum and had a picnic in the rose garden by myself. it made me giggle. why can't someone get on this page with me? how can there not be a match for me?

i want to go to carnaval in rio this feb. i want to take pyschadelics there and trip on colors and sensory experiences, not like you need to intensify that experience, i believe its sticky enough totally nude of extra mind bending situations.

by the way...i will have 5 muther fuckin years 'sober' and 'clean' this oct 21. can you believe that? i've travelled the world and played hard at home without a drip drop of booze or piffery puff of the stuff. wow. it's been a ride. it just is, really. it is right now as it exhists only in this very moment. i can't jump back or jet ahead. i only exhist right now. what's the point? to fullfill ourselves and make our life lovely...or to make the lives of others lovely?

to perpetuate love through love and kindness.

i read a story in the new yorker about the jumpers off the sf bridge. one guy wrote a note that if just one person smiles to him on the way over, that he won't jump.

not one smile met his eyes.

i'm going to try to be conscious of how i can smile or connect with other random muther fuckin human beings today/tonight. how in the aknowledgement of their humanity, they are able to continue exhisting.

is that the point? that we exhist?

kxlu is my favorite station. check them out online.

ps. i really do love you.

i want you to know that you are loved.