2003-09-02 - 10:53 a.m.

i'm so happy it hurts. my heart feels like it is bursting and i just want to cry. it's my birthday right now. granted i'm sauced about having to announce my new age which is a deadly late twenties year. but inside i'm so fuckin happy. i love my birthday. i love being the princess at the party. i love the calls and the whirl whipping lightly around me.

last night the new guy what'd i call him? luke? anyway he came over and we skateboarded down to get cookies. and then he gave me a footrub as i indulged in a mad sugar rush. then this morning we had the best sex. twice. then i made myself homemade eggs benedict- MY FAVORITE. and i had a crispy cream as a starter. i decided that today is hte day of flow, no have to's. only wants, fufilled with a smile!

luke had my over for dinner last friday night and we didn't leave his apartment till sunday. with the exception of a short surf session i snuck away for. i'm such a dooood. he and i walked down to the beach that friday night after he made me dinner and we saw the red tide, which turns into a BRIGHT NEON electric green at night. the waves ignite the fire and it's one of the most intense and light entrancing visuals i've seen. we tore off our clothes and went swimming. then later that night, for the first time, we had sex. which we continued until four in the morning. then i hopped up at 7.30 and surfed. came back and had a few more snuggle, sexx, meals etc. till we woke up, forced back into the reality of our work stuff.

i have to be careful with this one. he's 23. i'm only the second person he's had sex with, cuz it means too much to him. i feel my heart open wide to him. and as usual i'm terribly cautious to give up my freedom. i just met a new german guy who is adorable. and luke may just be too young. he's extremely progressed, spiritually, humanly, understandingly. but ouch. man i got burned with the last young one. do you think i have control issues? alpha-what-me? yes i want 'em young and trainable. haha. but i have to force myself to step back and let them take charge cuz my voice is strong and i feel sometimes i can have an easy go of demasculating a guy like that. i like sensitive guys. i don't fall, or really ever find, guys who are all dude in this city. even the mad surfers can be very sweet and soft.

i'm on the edge still waiting to hear if some of my art work will be purchased. two pieces now are being reviewed.

also, i'm accidentally competing in my second tri-athlon relay in malibu. i had my first practice one mile swim in the ocean with all those sharks the other day. fuckin wow man. i have to say, it was wild.

my girls and i are going to santa barbara for the night to celebrate my princess day!! then we may do a sweat lodge, i know i'm a fucking geek! am i geeking out on you all or what? have i become the epitomy of the west coast crunch?

the benefit show i throw is turning out dope. completely dop-alicious! but it all gets my nerves off. which kinda spices me out.

hmmm. hope you are very fuckin well.