2003-04-30 - 11:56 p.m.

yo. i had an incredible day and it feels like the first in a while.

this morning it started early hiking and swiming with a friend who just booked a indy feature lead. wow.

and then two women at the ymca pool got in a bitch down, sweltering word wrestle completely naked. about swimming in the wrong lane. it's the important things in life.

then i got a call for a work thing that would be hugely, horrifically fucking good. and i got too busy and nervous to call back today. so first thing in the am. but i'm afraid to hear what they'll say. they'll probably demand me to poodle jump through flaming hoops. fine dolls, but i need a nice green bisquit.

ya hearin me? i'm talking benjamins. purchasing power. girl needs the green.

smack my ass wit dat shit. i want a hundirt dollar imprint on my fanny (and for you across the pond,fanny isa butt, not a cha cha).

so...we'll see. but it's huge and details will follow. it's the stuff i dreampt of as a weee lill' girl. i'm not sure i can dream that big or believe this would happen or that the world would take me that seriously.

no boy joys. i've been busy with work.

and i've had lots of wonderful clients.

one wants to book me at 8am, fuckin nutter. she's a bat. she sends out 250 headshots, get's a meeting with an agent and doesn't even know a single fuckin monologue to bring in as they've asked. never taken a class, probably couldn't tell you five shakespearian titles. she's the type that's in it for all the surface stuff. she'd be content to live on the man's show in a bikini. i can't believe she has never prepared a monologue, it's the most basic. it's like being a chef and never using a fucking stove.

i'm going on a yoga retreat soon and i'm pumped, although i fear that i'll be horny the whole time and terribly disappointed if there isn't a bevvy of babes there. probably a bunch of balding raw food eating dorks who want to one up eachother with organic intentions and green fuck u tea. maybe some cute curious girls tho. see when your open like me..there's always hope.

so life is good. thick vines of tree's hang down to meet soft sullen land. light spews through. quiet moss and morning chirps breaking the silence like a pound of caffienated forest. birds.

i love the voice of birds.

so i've really geeked out and started a book club, but am calling it a lit salon to smarten it up. we are going to eat cheese and discuss marquez's hundred years of solitude. i now have eight members. i seriously shouldn't have so much time on my hands. i'm funneling all this randy energy into creativity. it's like horny motivation. but trust me i'm having a nice masterbation session tonight. but damn, i've been craving!!! arrarr.but not just with anyone. there's been a refining, a purification. a selectivity. no sex for experiencing it. i want more.

yes.. barbie gone bad. hmmm. if i was told all about my life when i was sixteen, my heart would race, my eye's tear up and my mind fight to believe it. i never would imagine some of the paths i've taken, from all of the expirimentation, to the many 'career' changes. i don't know what i thought i would turn out like. but i think i would be prowd. but no doubt then or now, i'm a doll, but never mistaken for a barbie.