2003-04-11 - 11:17 p.m.

the surfer broke up...again.

but this time with a real twist of lime.

as he's stomping off with various fuck you's, he says, "your a lunatic and not in a cute way".

he knew that would get me.

he's a fucker. then he calls and says, it is cuz he felt hurt cuz he always cares more and don't bother calling becuz that is why he has to ditch me.

i stopped by the ridiculous and very typical posh spot tonight to deliver a script to goregous actor-bartender. and it felt like i entered the mouth of a lion. or the skin of a snake and i felt her cold, bitter scales bracing my tender baby skin. it's dark inside and everyone pretends. put's on their best show over a merlot.

i'm feeling like this town, this life, this fishbowl is very strange. everyone sputters out their tale to any pretty something that will listen and the bottomline beneath is always 'love me'. 'i'm dining witht the head of paramount, i'm the owner of this,partner of that, love me.' love me.

this is the city of those desperate for love and yet unable to receive it. committ to it and most of all unwrap themselves long enough to give it.

i've got a ton of shooting to do the next two days. i have to do well. i want to do well. i want to tell stories about experiences, so like whenyou see an incredible piece of art, you relate with a sigh. and understand something brand new.

i'm irritated that the surfer causes me drama in the midst of this business. but i know his underlying need is just to be loved. it's behind almost everything we do.