2003-01-31 - 8:12 a.m.

my life is utterly amusing. i now constantly seem to be surrounded in wealth, money, power, and industry people who could actually help me just cuz. but what good does it ever do me, but to show me that even those with everything others don't have, still don't have much.

now if that made any sense to you, you are a crazy mutha.

yesterday i went on two auditions, commericial. i think they went really well and i will be fucked off if i don't get a call back. i'll be miffed and amazed and wondering what the fuck am i doing wrong momi?

and then i massaged another millionaire producers aging wife. who admitted to depression spawned from stress. i'm guessing it's also the burbon at 2pm. what do i say to his husband when i work on all three hundred pounds of him? hey man, can you cast me in one of your productions? i'll give you 20%off your next massage?

then i go to dinner with my other millionaire client and his assistant who is a real ball. it was enjoyable. great conversation. but at the end of the day with all that money and play, i don't see him arm in arm with the epic of all worldly experiences: tender love. can't pay for that dolls.

maybe i'm consoling myself as i realize i'll never be that balling in the green. probably becuz i'm too honest, won't sell out, won't give blow jobs, won't date white hairs, and won't do drugs...anymore. who knows.

the surfer sent flowers and this email. we finally talked last night and i eased him off the hook. i said okay, we'll play but on my previous terms, no committment, i'm not changing you, do what you want, but if you're two pisses to the wind all the time and unconverstational, then it's tough to chill with you.

dude i gotta go do downward dog now. yoga silly. you with the funny imagination at 8am in the mornin!

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I cant believe you are not talking to me. Sure, I know I broke up with you yesterday and all, but for Christ�s sakes, you know the deal. If you can�t be sympathetic with someone who is obviously hopelessly in love with you, then what type of person are you? Its not like I did something bad, like lying or cheating or anything like that. I�m a good boy, ineb. I�M A GOOD BOY.

I realize that you are probably pissed off, but you have to forgive me. Why? Because, in the words of Axl Rose, I�m fucking innocent. Well, almost. I suppose I may have inadvertently given you the impression yesterday that I no longer wanted to see you, but nigga please, look at me. Would I break up with you? Of course not! Don�t be ridiculous.

Well, ineb, I�m glad this matter is settled. Have a nice day.

PS as luck would have it, someone just came in here selling spa gift certificates. I chastised her for preying on unfortunate people like me who are in big trouble with the ladies, but I bought it for you anyway if you want it. Looking over the various treatments now, I am not sure how good it is, but whatever. I am a desperate man. Good bye