2003-01-30 - 12:43 a.m.

surfer calls today and breaks up with me. which was promptly followed by several take back calls and these emails:

ineb: I stopped smoking and drinking after our talk Sat night and I think today I am feeling the strain of those things a little strongly. In retrospect, I know my call to you was insane and irrational, but understand that it was rooted in the fact that I really really like you. I wasn�t trying to escape the challenge of changing my lifestyle and am still doing that, but I was just getting manic over the idea of you going out with other guys. Of course you are right, it is too soon for us to be in a committed relationship and we should have the option to see other people. I was hurt when you said you could see other people this afternoon after what we had said Sat night (re: love), and that�s why I reacted like I did. I wish so much that I hadn�t called and done that, but I was upset and confused. Now I am even more upset, and fear that I blew everything that was going so well and making me so happy. I hope this isn�t the case, because you are the best thing that has happened to me. I hope you will call me soon. I will stop being a freak if you do. I am sorry.

Also, you were so cool and funny during my whole ridiculous call that it made me like you even more. I kept saying to my self �what am I doing? Why am I doing this?�

I liked it when you repeatedly called me a Pussy. That was pretty funny, although totally inaccurate.

You�ve got to take me back, ineb.

__________

i hate being someones best thing that ever happened to them. it's nothing but down from there.

ps. i never asked him to stop drinking etc. in fact i wouldn't even encourage it. i think that choice is insanity that you REALLY have to want. and only for you. not for some chic with long hair. but hey? he wants to feel the light.

in other news i tried some aloa vera juice today and it tasted like a mild mix of oj and drano.

cheers, ineb