2001-09-09 - 10:05 p.m.

mental state: horny, but too tired to act on it, and itchy like wool all over.

so i'm with this greek guy at the auto shop getting a diagnostic on his car, hoping to make a fucking purchase already.

were at a cafe waiting, he tells me about his life and how his dick doesn't go up. he's a race car driver and a sand dunes driver and broke some tendon that makes the thing 'go up'. hahahah! he's telling me this.

he's kinda cute too, in some greek chiselled, but i still have b.o. kinda way. he used to race for italy, he repairs performance cars for a living. he owns lots of toys for me to drive and play with as this is my favorite thing to do... fly planes, drive motorbikes, water crafts. and he's currently obsessed with me.

i'm so spun and so tired. i'm old. i'm ready to have 'it' all happen. i'm so impatient. iwant to have love, sex, snuggles, meet lots of people, marry and have kids...all immediately.

so this greek goes NUTS about the diagnostic the mechanic gave, as he feels that every little comment is a knife wound straight to his EGO. he bitches the whole ride home about the mechanic, becuz he thinks he's knows more than him etc. i want the car so i had to work my way around these negotiations and massage his ego a bit... i did get him from 6,800$ to 5,250. not bad eh?

so i'm driving up on lincoln in my "new" range rover at 7.45pm and my boogie nights porn party starts at 8pm! i hadn't showered all day, the place was a tad messy and nothing was in the oven!

my first guest arrived in the most stunningly fabulous attire and i put her to work.

i had a great time. we danced to m;usic like 'hey ho, suck my dick'. etc. i put pictures up of body parts, had everyone put on name tags with their porn name. i served twinkies, white castle burgers and crushes in a bottle and asahi. wish you were there.

a herd of us walked up the street and danced to hip hop till closing hour. some silly fella picked up on me and thought it was important to ask RIGHT AWAY what i did... i was like, what i do? i go to the beach, i sit on my couch...he didn't get it. he felt the need to tell me he's a commercial director. people are so caught up here. i was one of them, entrenched worse than the best of them.

i found out that while i was gone stinky tried to sleep with the most foul ass, big mouth in los angeles. he should of just paid for it. she had to tell me cuz she wanted to feel like she's somehow in the same calibur as me. which made me almost heave in the car, everything got hot and i sweated nautia. to think that give-it-everywhere-for-free loud gossip mouth might for a second imagine herself in my catagory. i layed into stinky something fierce today, for that and for hanging out with this guy who is a big sleezeball cheater.

are all men like this? i'm loosing sight.

trex (newly sober again friend who rocks) told me that she was arrested in jan. now picture.. ad executive, cute turn raging drunk indian, breaking into her neighbors house cuz they asked her to turn the music down. when the police came she was foul and tried to beat the hell outta them. she ends up with 50g bail and two felonies. wow. i get her tho. i get her on a deep level. she's a brillant person and i hope she makes it.

we had an earthquake today. large enough to wake me from a comotased sleep and charge me into the door jam, while having a fleeting thought that this might be 'the moment', that my complex is just like the one that crumbled in the last big shake. would if today was my last day on this island? what would i of wished i done?

i'll tell ya, i wish i would of brought home that litt 20 year old model looking boy who fancies me, but has NOTHING TO SAY. i would be romping him right now and looking back into his puppy dog eyes. but when he said his dad made him move back into soberliving, i jezz couldn't.