2001-08-12 - 10:03 p.m.

bali

last night this english living in aussie fella and i went to sushi. very posh LA type place, but whole deal only cost $10. loveee it. sat on floor, made eyes with hot italian while working englishman.

englishman is too cautious for me. but he gets points as a great adventurer, previous model in hong kong, handsome, tall, with crystal blues, nice personality, listens to me ramble on on a caffiene high. but i'm not one to like someone who listens to rules of life, like cautioning me to walk on the side walk. i wonder if he'll try to make a move on me. it's curious. we've been paling around a bit, as friends, maybe he's afraid as i've kept quiet a distance. or he's gay and that would be fantastic. or i ....guess...he doesn't take to me. right!!!

we went to bar that HAD REAL RED BULL. it made my fuckin night. i rolled it in nice and slow. people watched with joy. had a great conversation about my art with the brit. we went to this insane dance club at 2a.m (these spots go till 11.30am the next day). it had a large covered, open air space, pool and a bungee jump. techno. i spotted some severe babies and wanted to meet them, had a hard time working both the new babies and keeping nice with the brit, trying not to appear utterly selfish and scamming as i clearly am.

didn't come to fruition.

but i did dance my ass off till 4.30 a.m. elated. best time. this is what i live for. hedon's.

on our motorcycle ride home we were stopped by the 'police'.

the 'police' wanted to see our international drivers liscence, of which i have none. i lied of course, they wanted a big bribe, they cleaned out our pockets, i said thank you and we moved on.

that's the way it works, bring a little extra butter for the glassy eyed boys with badges.

we arrived back to our hotel (the brit and i stay at the same one) and this other fella (an aussie) i met first night that i've also befriended, but he's taken to my side like a frog on a slick summer rock. so he's there with some korean's and a very drunk kiwi at my hotel at 4.30. i shove off to bed, leaving both suiter-'friends' sitting side by side awkwardly on the curb.

heheh. loved that. any drama and i think of ripe enjoying it.

i had a 3 hour nap, went to a morn mtg, and went to a special beach. there were dozens of bronzed euro boobies sprinkled about. ton's of sting's flossing ass. i felt left out.

the waves were too big for me as two big boys came out of the water with their boards ripped in half, just by the force of the water. i ached as i sat back and watched all day with these frolicking waifes, not being able to be my true rowdy self and carve wonder in the waves. i felt like a serious fat, white american on the beach.

which i think may be a dissolution as i am tanish, taller and at least at a normal weight. but still, among these darlings i felt like a twinky tart, kmart special shopping, dodger dog eating american.

i have a sudden desire to go to austrailia right now. it's so close by it's insane. i might want to move there and i may never have the chance to check it out. i need to know. my friend says the place is just like all the reasons i like LA without the pretention and the utter plastic BULLSHIT. i'm so sick of the bullshit. the friends that incessantly talk of clothes and boob jobs and cars and men with money. i am so sick of them not even knowing where on the map i'm visiting. no clue of what country i'm in. caring more about the arch of their back when their fucking.

speaking of...my friend that cares only about the arch of her back when fucking ...well she dated this surf guy. he's here, a sober dude. we've hung. he's made it newspaper print clear that he wants something to go down with me, asap. i've played dumb. i can't even bother. he's a selfish bastard. his girlfriend is in the states smoking heroin. id'init niiiice? he also left this arch backing friend pregnant to come to bali to surf years ago. she cried alone as she had the abortion. and he wants to fuck me and have me follow his tail around the beach watching him surf growing the size of his magical dick. now that's a man! put that stick of yours in me!!!

he's nice as a friend tho. kinda.

okay i'm pissssssssed i've been stalling for cush to get online and chat and it's not happening and i'm exhausted from the 3hour nap called a night's sleep. i'm dropping him a nasty message then i'm off like an ASU sorority girls top (sorry that one was too accessable).

i'm wondering about things. decisions. extensions. australia. do any of you readers live there and can share? i'm thinking of living there for a year. after 6mo's more in LA. or shall i extend in thailand with cush for a week or so, my subletter said she'd loveeee to do it? i've been thinking of him a lot. i've been brushing aside major yummy potentials as a result of inner qualms....

stay tuned as more will be revealed.