2001-08-09 - 8:10 p.m.

bali - same day, c earlier otherwise.

am i just a nut case or is the world hell bent on twisting and torquing my body?

i hit the surf, rather the surf hit me. i must be a lunatic. others seem to agree. this one guy is like, your here alone? and your surfing alone, your first day out? wow, you've got guts. and most conversations seem to go that way. yes it's been fun. but once again, i go out to dinner myself and meet new people and to tell you the truth i'm sick of ballsy. i want calm. i want knowing the same people for more than a week. i can't wait to meet up with my LA surfer friend here. it should be a day or two. even tho he has a crush on me, and me not on him. but it will be grounding. plus i get

"get"

(yes after this long it's GET)

to go to a meeting.

i rented a board today and went out in the waves of the famous kuta beach, bali. i went for a wave and found myself at the top of a large drop, i slipped off the end of my board, not making the incredible climb down. i got flipped under like a washing cycle gone mad, i almost ran out of air searching for the surface, remembering to not pop up as i may bounce up into my board, just as my board took a dig into my ass underwater.

so now my legs are scrapped, my feet cut up and my ass has a huge gash. bali has spoken.

and this wave is a beginners spot. of course i went straight out to its highest peak, but still. how am i going to handle this scene?

i'm feeling like i'm needing something. something chocolate or something grounding to fill me up inside and help me feel solid. cuba libre anyone? line of cocie? anyway dolls, not tonight hopefully..

i thought the waves might do it. maybe once i'm comfy out there. but they basically just terrified me, fancing my bare ass to all the watchful boys in the water. (cuz the damn thing wouldn't stay still).

i met some wild playboy mexican in the water. he's staying beach front $500 a night and he basically travels the world to party. so i figure he must be a part of the mafia or the government...which brings us back to the mafia.

cool.

he had black nail polish on.

i emailed the french boy i met in the jungle cuz he may meet me here. he's sweet with an incredible stare. but i'm afraid the minute i meet some cut up elegible here i'll loose interest quick.

i've really got to master these waves, i simply won't have that silliness out in the water again. i'm pissed. and i'm restless and tired.

but grateful as always to be here instead of some cube emailing friends desperately trying to not get any work done.