2001-08-01 - 3:08 p.m.

ko tao, smaller island still in thailand.

i'm fucking exhausted. that's what fallin in love AGAIN will do to a gal.

the italian went out last night without me, so i chatted up some extremly small towned brits from outside nottingham hill, in a town without 'a cinema'. hehe. then i saw 'him'.

he was good looking enough for me to assume that he must be one of those frat boy get laid type pricks. so i almost blew him off, but i was so borred, that i proximated myself in the same vicinity then chatted him up. and there was something.

tall, brown hair, great chin, sweet and sexy looking.

when i was first was wrapped in conversation with him,, the thought crossed my mind, what if he's the one. and i'm talking to my future husba nd right now?!@ he's american. which is a lovely departure as he gets my jokes and i don't have to talk so fuckin slowly.

he lives on the island, doing a fellowship on tourism. he speaks fluent thai and knows everyone (which to me means he's kind). when we went into town, he knew folks and we were thrown jasmin flowered necklasses around ourselves.

we went for a night swim in the ocean. it was like a movie. the expansive flat, silent ocean, crystal clear, warm. when i waved my hands in the water silver mercury bubbles flew like magic. that was the first time i'd ever seen that. it's phosperecent. that's where we had our first kiss. and i really liked it. it felt right. the italian pukered his lips too much and the peruvian went mining for tonsils with a lazy intrusive tongue. and the french man, well i don't remember his kiss cuz i was still reelling about how large his dick was. wow. always the skinny ones.

anyway, we played in the ocean, snuggled, swam. i drank it in like an intoxicating drug. then we went pool hopping.

we went back to my place and he said lets go back to your room, and i said okay, but i'm a traditional girl, so only snuggles.

five minutes later i was naked having sex. well, that's what i traditionally do.

hehe.

we talked for ever. he got sad or disturbed when i talked about one night stand sex, saying that that wasn't how he was thinking of it, as a one nighter.

he's coming to this island with me to go diving and spend a few night s together. it's insane. perfect, cuz this island is quaint and quiet and seriously romantic. and i think i love him.

or maybe i'm just tired.

i can't wait to go diving, this place is known for it and i'm going to get certified. there is nothing like being blanketed by the ocean. the mystery and other worldliness of it. the fear and overtaking nature of it. the fish wizing by like tropical jewels.

on the catamaran boat ride over i was overwhelmed with the feeling of how much i love my family and how much i love my friends support. and how i actually, for the first time know that i can feel love. i feel loved. completly. comprehesibly. in the as is. titleless, jobless, carless. loved. it's an incredible feeling.