2001-08-03 - 7:46 p.m. ko tao i went diving today and saw little gems called fish suspended. neon blues. my ear hurts so bad i can barely be. i'm feeling incredibly sad and disconnected and i don't know why. except that i need fellowship. i need the arms of sobriety wrapped around me. i need to have a talk with myself. every night is hard. i'm with the boy. the latest. he's a drinker, turns out. wouldn'tcha know!@ that's what i'd pick. just like home. and i feel like home with him. like i'm sinking into home. and now what two more days with him? we had a long amazing talk last night and he seems pretty inquisitive about relationship stuff, hellow babe, but i live across the world from you! i'm sad. i'm so glad i have somewhere to be utterly honest and raw. "ripe". torn apart. the ocean, deep down, submerged. surrounded. blanketed. breathing. my body still feels like the ocean is surrounding me. i am lost in it. i'm lost in this big ocean. |
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