2001-07-31 - 5:22 p.m.

ko samui, island of southern thailand.

my mom just sent me the sweetest email.

i can't tell you how grateful i am that i'm sober. and how every night i almost contemplate drinking, and how i dream of it at night. but in the day i am overwhelmed with the beauty of being jpresent for all this. i don't want to miss it. i want to be aware and pratice experiencing it all with all five senses. it's delicious. people life. this place. it's like paradise. like pictures. white, soft sand, crystal blue warm water, dancing all night.

i was on the beach and decided that next i'd like to have an affair with an italian.

then i met him, 20 minutes later. 23, from milan, with suddle bright amber colored eyes. . adorable little baby who desperately needs corruption. tastey. although i haven't let him kiss me yet. my heart was bursting last night as we sat on the beach at night with the waves rolling in. i love latin men, they are such gentlemen. he and his brother insisted on paying for everything for me. he's playing beach volleyball and next we'll swim. i can't describe the look he gave me coming out of the water when we first took note of eachother. one of the sexiest moments ever.

dancing last night. mmmm. tranvestites. i wized home on my moped, had a nice late night conversation with a scottish boy, while watching the silent, far off lightnening storm light up the silver sky and outline brillant, bubbli clouds. it was magical. thank god i'm awake for it. it felt like a high. a quiet rolling orgasm. there are some famous rocks here that look like a vagina and a dick. i still hate germans, you would to if you saw them doning baby girl thai's, negotiating sick prices. mmm

but then again,,, i still haven't told you about the curious massage i had in saigon....later doll i like to keep you in suspence.

today, i motorcycled out to a waterfall alone and playing and jumped off a rock. i'm back to myself. i'm home again.

ps. shout out to ripe...are you alive??? i haven't heard from you since my departure.

cheers, .l