2001-04-08 - 5:28 p.m.

Whadda wild weekend.

The tip o' the day? Accept that people are all human, limited and inherentantly different than you think they should be. Honor who they are and life will be so much more enjoyable.

*today we'll talk about my dad's arrival.

the night b4 my dad came to town, he was supposed to call me and let me know his flight. he didn't. so i got shot back into being a little girl getting disappointed by my dad. i thought, great he's drinking again, he forgot to call, he won't make it...or he's playing a game purposely, unconsciously not calling. i got through it, he called when his plane got in and appologized saying he forgot to call and i realized this is something i would of done too. too casual, thinking the other person will figure it out. it's some sort of distancing tactic. intimacy distancing.

i picked him up and he reeked of maple syrup. it reminded me of growing up with him on sundays. it remined me of him being drunk. it reminded me of strong scents coming off of my father. scents of booze and liquad fumes falling off his clothes, smells of a bar that sink into your threads only from paying long dues on the stool. this time he just smelled of maple syrup and it reminded me of smelling and it reminded me of being scared of him failing me and of him drinking and of me worrying about how much he'd have and how it would ruin my sense of safety. i still love my dad.

we went on a studio tour of columbia studios and i admit, i was a bit embarrassed to be on some geek ass tour with a guy named fin and two folks who looked straight outta a kmart catalogue. i'm on that side of the biz and i was embarrassed to be seen as a tourist in my city. but my dad dug it something fierce. since he liked it so much i took him to a taping of a show on tv, got us in vip style, no lines, right behind the camera and the action and i remembered what its like not being from here. he was saying, oh wait till ian (his step son) hears about this, he'll be so impressed. and i knew my dad was beeming, impressed. i felt so silly bringing this to him. i fly low on the radar. it was so wild to have him see all this for the first time. he's always lived a enclosed life in a smaller town in colorado (with the exception of his wild adenture travels in central america). he was amazed by my cell phone use and didn't even know that my computer was a computer. i don't think he'd ever seen a laptop. he runs a sm bizness and doesn't own a computer. he hand writes all of his contracts etc. amazing. and i respect it as much as anything in the world. he says, 'live simply, and simply live'. and i know i'm happiest when i am living simply.

after the taping we went to sushi w/ "ripe" at a hyper posh stupid spot and i felt really dumb for taking them there cuz it wasn't their style and it was too loud. i wish we went somewhere more intimate. they both got off talking about anti-consumerism and nader. i was glad to share these people together bringing out that side of me too. i've fought all parts of both of my parents, to come to finally find pieces of each of them that i honor and embrace inside of me.

it was wierd having my dad stay at my place, i think we both had a sense of okay now what, how does this work? we've never had a relationship, never stayed w/ eachother (except as a fam b4 the divorce).

the only time i ever stayed w/ him, he left me there, went out and got so drunk, stumbled in late, with the key broken in his ignition, so i couldn't be taken to school. i remember crying to my mom who was ruthless and cruel and wouldn't take me back cuz she was so mad that i ran away from her to live w/ my dad. sometimes she could be so angry and evil.