2001-03-16 - 03:23 p.m.

one things for sure: i am a pen whore. i love to take into my posession as many pens as i can at work.

and i attribute this to one of two things:

*my soul used to live in the great depression (i know this for sure, as i also keep food in the fridge for YEARS. i had an good luck banana in the freezer since 97 until madolina the housecleaner who hides my things, threw it away and devastated me. shit i've had really bad luck since she threw it away. but now i have an egg, who bears the date of 98!)

*or i am feeling the inconsistency of my freelance life of 'maybe in a month i'll be completely out of work', so let me accumulate some abundance in any area i can to make me feel safe. aaaa pens. anyone reading this could kindly send me some pens. no fuck that, send me cash so i can go to bali and surf and tease cute islanders!

i'm in the happy mood that only a little leprechon can enstill. today and tomorrow is the day i think of my grandpa. my good heart, blue collar irish roots. hard working, harder drinking.

i feel like torturing some cute wanna try out women female by flirting temptatiously, maybe even kissing her, then leaving w/out a trace. haha the first time i had sex with my last serious boyfriend i caught the case of theheebeegeebee no mee committeeee!'s and i silently picked up my articles of clothing, dressed as i tried to supress my giggle, find my way out the back and run down the street laughing like an escapee ginga'bread man. the next morning i got this sad call from one confused guy wondering where i was, that he wanted to make me breakfast. ouch. i didn't think he'd notice. i flourished in the light of love he bathed me in. now w/ the two guys i'm 'involved' w/ i shrivel in it. retract. oooo but that is me bitterness a' talkin. not me happy irish smilin eyes, now is it?

tomorrow mornin i'm doing a beach clean up cuz i bitch about the water being so dirty and i believe putting my actions where my mouth is. otherwise i have no right to talk.

the people i work with are the most suppressed, sad, alcoholics and children of alcholics. they seem so unhappy, with only one goal in mind. happy hour. man do i relate. but can't go there myself.

tonight i have a dinner with stinky at some super duper pooper scooper resteraunt in beverly hills. some old famous place. i want to go dancing w/ him later cuz i only find him sexy in three states, flirting w/ another woman, w/ his family, or dancing.

tomorrow night i hope to make insanity pie w/ Rach and ex-crackasia crzy larr. they bring out the best in me. they are both ex-strippers. rach has the most naturally huge boobs it amazes me. she made a lot of money then.

ooo and of course i hope to surf this weekend. i build up anxiety all week to get in the water and then the opportunity comes. i'm actually starting to really enjoy winter surfing. (i thought it would be just the end all to be hanging ten, bikini clad at surfrider in the summertime). but now i'm enjoying the peace i get in the wave s in winter cuz ther is less yahoo's out there and better waves. only the committed swim in the winter, so i'm actually out there with the real silent tribe.

cheers and happiness to all, now go pinch somebody!!

l, luke