2005-11-16 - 6:34 p.m.

feeling a bit like a dark grey cloud is shedding any light from breaking through this evening. it's wierd, i feel like the quicker my mood heightens, the quicker it is to fall.

this morning i felt on top of the world. worked out. fired up. idea's pouring. slightly manic. then crash! caffiene shakes. low energy. nearly sad. sad. read an article on thyroid disease. sad. music listening to, sad. need to turn indy rock sad music off.

succulent.

that's the word of the day.

not that you'd been warned that there would be a word a day in this diary, or ever will be again. but succulent is todays.

lill P had an occurance. drunk. a male she had argued with sucker punched her. after she turned her head. with his fist. so then. deeppp breath. so then. that comes off so w.t.

and what i did about it. well even more so wt? no i'd say it was more sicilian.

i felt a bit wierd, being an adult and having the problem solved like that. but if there's one golden rule in my life it's :
you don't f with lill p.
you don't f with lizard.

and the story ends there.

ferociously protective of both. as we all know. so this fella won't be near her again.

i stayed up and made neeto new pieces last night, and i'm just gonna say it cuz i'm a bit excited about it...jumbles and vla will receive something from my dad, the postman, this week. now if you like them, that's a whole other situation. they are slightly odd, possibly. they don't match. but anyway. hope it makes you smile upon arrival.

it was so fun. i love making things, one of a kind, for others. then wrapping them in silly stuff. i made lizard a cool thing too. her's are pretty rocked out. then i out and made some pieces in an entirely different direction for me, whimsical and feminine. they resemble my childhood sketches, all swirls and fantasy. lost.

the girl that got lost.

will she ever be found?

i don't know what to make of these new pieces. they are very difficult to remake if i do start selling them. they feel primal, but celestial to me. sad in a sublime way. sad in the delicacy.

i got sad about this article about the thyroid. and ya know, it'll be a year at some point, in december it'll have nearly been a year and htis cock sucking suck cocker fuschia fucker scar just won't fade.

i'm happy. and sad. quiet. i feel quiet and mello and slightly resistant.

i'm not being around family for the first turkey day ever. i jsut am not feelin' it. like i jsut finally got the memo that i don't "have" to. so i'm not. and i'll be less fat for it. hehehe. and i'm going to play with friends and sneak in some work and dope out on typtophan and maybe volunteer part of the day. bring something turkey like to the old folks home? what should i bring?

ya know what happens to me every holiday season? i get allll freeky excited about gifts. giving them. buying erratic, odd, colorful gifts, wrapping them, excited to see the face of the person, inevitably disappointed by the hurry through the moment. then the let down. the crash from all the expectations and build up and the loathing of the season. the exhaustion. the family drama. the pull. the push. the desperate tangible desire to throw it all up. i've kept my nights home to four. and even that bleek number is gargantuan in the moment. it's so pregnant with pressure or soemthing. so depressive to "go back." go back to the scene of all the crimes. all the stagnation. all the original hurt. and then you toss in everyone elses madness projected, forced onto me. we'll its just adorable. so there's this purity. this joy in giving. in the moment. in spending time. and then at the end i'm grateful it'll take a whole nuther year to come back around.

hehehehe. i am so. very. much. avoiding. other shit right now. :*)

can't wait to see whAT u grls say about your lill' things i made. keep in mind, someone in the room who will remain anonymous did happen to have *a* glass *or* two that same night.