2005-11-11 - 1:41 p.m.

arggg.

i'm having a moment. nearly 2pm. how did that happen. consternating takes so much time.

my car wouldn't start, i really am stranded. had to jump and drop off at dealer. can't go to cats. really am on island. maybe for the better?

but right now i'm having trouble with the project. all the sudden i've gotten scared. i look at one comment from the person i deliver it to and i got spooked. i can't create without feeling sure. and i don't have time to be spooked. i have to produce. there is no option. and i feel like i should take some time away from the island, go work out or something, but i just can't. it's already nearly two, after dealing with the car... maybe i'll take a sundown walk on the beach. does that sound strange to those not near a beach? can you believe i rarely take advantage of this? i used to. when i was more balanced and had more time.

i feel terrible that i can't fix cats problem. i want to fix it. i'm worried. but i don't want to eminate worry. i want to give her only reassurance and belief. the ash brown trunk of tree outside my window has patterns left on it from the sun pushing through the leaves. a big, lush green tree filling my view. how lucky are we. we that are able to live in world where our basic needs are filled enough for the opportunity for our spirits to take flight...or plunge. the abundance. the elegance of choice.

there is no war outside my window stealing my sleep or sense of safty. there is plenty. the type of plenty that i think sometimes shields us from being. comforting blankets of enough covering us from eachother. from real interaction.

i'm supposed to go to a party with T tonight, and i want to cuz it's not till ten. so i can work enough. but, alass, no set of wheels. :*)