2005-07-28 - 8:33 p.m.

hi.

i'm having waring factions within me.

one that wants to try new things. new revolutionary ways of living, called, "normalicy." like staying in tonight.

and the other part of me already made plans to pick up a friend and go to two places tonight that might possibly help me to feel slightly less.

or more. full of adreniline.

it all depends on my outfit. absurd. metaphoric. depends on how i wear the insides on my outside. how i feel about myself from the in bleeding out.

i just have so much work i want to get done and i didn't have a progressive day. soososos much.
i want to make a really clean linesheet with exclusive pieces and cut all the clutter for the highest end buyers. i want to make a bunch of new pieces for this. pressure. always putting myself through the pressure. i feel like i'm adding too much to my caos by going out. i feel like i'll regret it. i feel like something...
well. i guess that's "normal" for single people to go out a lot. compared to compadres in nyc i pale in social comparision to be sure.

i'm so mad at my republican cunt of an uncle. he's talking real cruelty to all of the people i love. he's been particularly mean to my mom and i want to battle. i want to get in the ring and defend her. ooo omy blood boils. it has to do with him kicking my favorite aunt and my little girl P out. P has some health questions.

shit i just talked to my way old friend. damn. i'm a bit blown away by ..

i can't talk.
bibi now.
i love you.