2005-05-06 - 2:07 a.m.

alrighty then. i gave some pieces to that previous discussed subject.

and i've finally made a start on the cleaning my apartment project. laundry seemed to take hours. farkin'a.

so today, i was in a shitty mood, realizing at the pharmicist that not only would i have to come back tomorrow to pick up the ones they couldn't fill, but that i'd be living on pills for life.

living on pills for life.

living on some small yellow pill in a plastic tube forever and if i didn't i suppose i'd die.

how fucking wierd.

i had to walk out and tear up slightly. it's all hitting me in a second wind. my mom is saying that she was wondering just when it'd hit. that i was quite responseless right after and that i jumped in so fast. that my body is now shutting down the shop a bit. sure the fuck is.

so i'm crossing this busy shopping everyones fucking cute street in my five feet wedge shoes and hi, i fly through the air and land with my full weight on my two knees and spend a little time getting to know the local asphalt. it was raining. that's my excuse. the five foot wedges had *nothing* to do with it.

it was painful. the kind that is so deep skin doesn't even bother to break, but a swelling the size of a mellon takes over and a nice black and blue hue immediate take up residency.

it hurts currently.

nothing else to report. i have to call that negotiator about the law suit tomorrow "or else". fucker.

june is coming too fast. i have so damn much happening in may and june. i don't know if i can keep up and stay *here*. i don't know that it won't throw me into mania. i have that trip to sf and i want to steal away for time away at a zen monistary retreat situation in the middle of no where and then meet with buyers in the city. don't know how i'll afford it. then in the start of june i have my cousin who is the most important person to me's hs graduation, that college friends wedding back up north and a trip i *really* want to take to nyc to meet with buyers and PLAY. i have free miles and a place to stay for most of it. but there's so much to do before i get there. i feel so much pressure every day. i'm shipping the second national order and making an entire new series of samples, i'm mtg with small buyers and filling other orders and trying to call the sf/nyc buyers. and finish samples for those mtg's and in the back of my mind i want to line up a showroom rep for june's trade show, so they can represent while i'm out.

i'm exhausted just saying it. maybe i'll have to accept for yet another fucking time that i won't be in the trade show. somehow i'm still surviving, so ..i guess i can just let it go.

nothing at all else to report. :*)