2005-03-01 - 10:59 p.m.

what a turn of events.

what a turn indeed. ready...lez go!

morning of march 1st, no rent money. none.

feb 27th, morning...i call my manufacturer for a new sample and he get's irritable about the time it takes to make my pieces and pulls out of production. so now, no manufacturer, no money.

a few hours later...i get a fax from *the* store that's carrying the product in nyc and bev hills. after just a few days in the nyc store, they already want to reorder. they are selling well. open them in a third store. yar. yar yar yar.

i'm running around the apartment for about five congradulatory minutes. then i make the grave mistake of calling dad with excitement. he quashes it with too many questions. when will they pay, what about this and that and the other. that night i was up till 3.30a.m. prepping a buyers meeting. i woke up 4 hours later at 7.30a.m. to meet with a new manufacturer, pick up the sample, and go to buyers meeting.

i patched it up with my manufacturer and raised his labor fee once again and this will be the last. buyers meeting went okay. it was a reorder. modest, but they bought the new sample in several colors. joy!

the sample looks fresh. it looks so queen.

ooo and last night i got inspired to write this thing that is leading me to a whole new possible project.

march 1st. will she pay rent?

so my newish friend, who is friends with cat, one of the pioneers i went to miami with for elections...offers to front me some funds for the production of the big reorder for *the* store.

i've *never* done this. i've never taken such a chunk from a friend. particularly a new friend. i wouldn't have even alluded to the necessity. i'd be on the streets before that happened. but we were talking strickly business factoring and loans, lines of credit and he's got some ill connections in that area. so he was initially just advising and connecting. but he heard the immediate sum needed was so low to him, that he jsut wrote the check and drew up paperwork. i demanded the paperwork.

fucking wierd. in my car tonight, outside of sushi as our friends pull away in shiny sportscars and he is handing me a check and i'm signing paperwork. felt like a cross between borrowing money and a drug deal. i feel so accountable now. this is what i feared most.

visibility.

when it's all a bird under my sleeve, i can let it fly away anytime i get scared enough. but now i owe.

i owe family. dad 10g's(but this was more of a business gift, this'll be a long term payoff). so..
mom 1.5.
bank 3g's
credit cards (should we even go there?) about 4-5g's.
friend 2g's.
total w/out plastic damage: roughly 7.

with these two orders i'll have 5'g and another 5 coming from that nyc project. that one should of come in MONTHS AGO. months ago. it's hard to barter on the belief that i will get paid. companies do default. or pay obsurdly late.

now i'm accountable. i can't just go hide. run away and travel. develop a coke habit.

i am such a hider. and a runner. runner is just a more active form of hiding.

so, end of day march 1st, i now can pay rent, and fill this new order.

and get this...i actually have an interview this week for a part time job designing. what? i'm *so* not qualified. but the one thing i've been learning how to do is survive.

dance.baby.dance.

so i will shake it and bake it and quake it and convince them and sell them and make this happen.

i will embellish and learn later, i will jump right in. i *have* to.

the job sounds slightly keen. don't know about the pay. but it's clearly in my industry so that's nice. i just haven't been at a proper job in so god damn long. not sure i even remember the etiquette. oh and this is the additional comedy, i'm supposed to be bringing a portfolio!

as if.

i don't have a portfolio. what do i bring them, my midnight madness sketch sessions that are elementary twig figures? humph! and this CAD design. believe me you...i will throw something together and i will do my damn best. but i could truly be ...hmmm. okay revision: i'll try and be as honest as possible, but show a lot of quick learning-ness. or something translating into enthusiasm.

i've got to go get horizontal now :*)

i looked forward all night to catching you all up. sorry,no movement on my health apptments. i'm just taking a vacation on it. my family is in the wings, most emails going unanswered. i just can't be reminded of it at this moment. it's just irritating. just. can you imagine? what if........