2004-07-31 - 11:23 a.m.

last night lizard and i had a magic night. we had one of those free nights where we rolled fluidly from one impulse to the next without my anal planning and rules.

two art openings and cheap sushi. the second art opening i found out about last minute and we ended up having the most incredible experience. the pieces were fucking profound and composed with beauty. totally grounded and real and yet out of this world. i saw this older, white man taking photo's at the event and i figured the artist was he. all of the latest ones i've been too have either been young riotous skate boys or older white men. lizard turns to this tall woman and asked who the artist was and it was she!

she took us around and talked about several pieces. as if they weren't already rich enough, her stories blew me away. it was a collective of a circus group in bahia (brasil). mostly made up of orphans. on their information, birth certificate, since they have no family lineage, they are marked "ignored". they carry that around with them everywherre they go. literally and metaphorically. we all carry what is stamped on our inner passports. our papers.

they have to work. entertain and twist and there is a enjoyment and a total darkness over a circus. see the invite:

http://www.farmanigallery.com/

then she also has some powerful pieces of some mexican immigrant families in chicago.

i looked into one piece, this grandpa with milky, swamped, happy eyes standing behind his grandson. i looked into those captured eyes, got the chills and thought, that is the reason i write.

it's so nice to be inspire. and the whole group was like a welcoming womb folding us in. plus gift bags, which never hurt any event!

then we went back and shot the shit with downtown and this new guy lizard is dating that is a friend of his. lizard and spent the night laughing and enjoying. for hours stacked on eachother i was able to forget myself.

tonight i have my date. and he's picked the place and won't tell me, which i fuckin love. i love not being able to control it alllll. this is great. relinquishing. i have to finish cleaning my place, which i'm starting to like again. and i want to take the day to create a little. how luxurious!

finally, this morning i woke up happy and excited. that thick dread has lifted. at least for today. i think the spell cracked with the ferocious anger that burst out.

Cheers, mc