2004-02-24 - 5:38 p.m.

yeah it was the fuckin rain. i'm back.

back to me. a more revolved me.

so i slept with nyc last night. whatever. it just is. i just jumped on top and rode till completion. how ridiculous. but tonight, i'm giving a sobriety anniversary one year cake to the surfer!!! remember him, he was go for broke drunk off a coke bender the day i met him surfing. then we got mixed up and he cleaned up. incredible. i'm so prowd of him. he's changed. it's amazing. i'm making him a cake, i think i'll write on it 'surfer fucking made it to 1'.

i met with my internish "employee", whaT A riot, for dinner at this posh spot. i think she was scared or something cuz she was really quiet and i couldn't think of enought to talk about and still appear put together and leaderish-like. i find it very easy to 'delegate' but i find it hard sitting and being the one 'leading'. i have no idea where she's at. but i like that she's daring enough to take some random hip hop class in the middle of south central, having only lived in LA for six mo's. from philly. that i also liked. and she likes books.,so there's hope yet.

i feel again like i'm in a mad cap affair with books. i feel like it's detrimental and consumming and life affirming. it's a blast of ions. it's all i want to talk about. no one will talk with me about it. i can't stand it. i want to discuss and dismember books and eat them whole.

last night we went out to this new night starting. and lizard hated it cuz she had gas and thought everyone was 12 years old. there was this rambuntious imfamous grl there and i possibly got her to have my designs. that would be very good. i'm feeling re-invigorated. i'm feeling crazy in the coconut about going on a buyers trip to nyc and then to fucking tokyo!! i met someone last night who will be in tokyo in a month, and i soo want to ask if i can shack in his hotel for free, as his work is paying for his. i made it exceedingly obvi that i want to hightail it to tokyo.

and here is some more big news. i'm mtg with the buyer tomorrow. it's a small boutique within "the" boutique of LA. if your in there, you can go almost anywhere by the endorsement of their name. that's what my sense of it is. i have a friend who buys and works the counter and she likes it and is showing her boss, she said they are already overbought, but if they like it they'll buy anyway. and also she will recommend me to great showrooms. wowwy. i'm FREEKING OUT. i feel way too tired to do this. i'm not ready, i feel like it all has to be perfect. i feel like i need to make a bunch of stuff tonight, like a late night cramming college student. and i need to fix stuff and prepare brand new work all for tomorrow. she said to bring everything!! we'll see. all i know is that i'm *out* of money. i need to churn some bidnez! i need some fuckin greendogs cuz i want furniture and i wnat to travel and i have a credit card bill and i and and and. whatever. i'mstill always stuck on the island of myself, where ever i go and whatever clothes i'm in. :*)

i love you guys.

do you love you guys?