2004-02-11 - 10:50 p.m.

i'm so irritated. i feel like M is giving me the shaft. he doesn't seem to like me enough, or maybe he's not over his last lady or maybe he's bouncing off the game ball i throw first.

but he was too tired to stop by tonight. didn't call last night. and hasn't asked me out for this week or for v-day!!!

i'm fuckin riffed! fuck him. i want some cigarettes!

feelings*

and i'm pissed at myself cuz i developed feelings. cuz of course he's not showing up he's twenty-fucking-five! he's not one of the more adult guys, whom i never like, who call early, show up with flowers and etc. i'm done.

i feel so fucking done. so done. sio done so done. but if he asks me out again, i know i'll say yes. friday night i promised the bird to go to the billionaires singles party and sat night there are some parties but it is vday! and thursday is tomorrow and i'll slice his dick off if he hast he shit to ask me out same day. we're not to casual corner yet - yo.

fuck. i'm all worked up.

he said he's contact me tomorrow thro some form of comm. we usually email in the day. email is the fuckin death of me. so if he doesn't ask me out by tomorrow, should i seriously fuck him off and cut it out??

i'm really not sure i could just use him for sex cuz i think with him i'll slightly attach or grow some fuckin feelings. the x is safer and great sex as it turns out. so i think i'll really have to clip him.

damn. i hate when i know something inside and yet i still want the shit to come to fruition. i want it to work. i want to get to know him. i like him! but i won't put my fuckin heart on a platter.